Tuesday, December 28, 2004

GCHQ Challenge

Have spend the last couple of days trying to solve this puzzle:


MEN
KCRVKXHL EUJDXZ
WKNJVWL GSWOXU
HYUE WREEYCS
QFDX ORNQTP
VTWMAC UEIIML
OFIIPTYX LYIJ
ZGRT BPDIIRNN
XCT GSXXJYUQ
RNBTCNP TCOSHNM
XIVL VFBD
NRIKUSL UIQORMDB
UFIV WKXXZY
DYFJN WCLEQPJ
LVZD CONKLNFK
PZSS TEBBMJ
BZGZD A'GAANZ
JRFJWRI XFCS
QJAMDU ZWWVDU
GMTHYL IKUBGMFPTPSSPM
KEZHQ WSNIEC

WOMEN
TVFAMI WVYVTT
KHP FNWHQBEV
MTJXMG EHXJRDT
ORERC VIUWFNUE
AIKUSBS EHSMKHNR
UQPIDJX HEXID
TZMMDR WDNCRM
ECWHX YCMBXA
LRNU FHZOHVN
YVTLG UGZVYNHT
YAERFI KFXBARV
OUGEUDLRZ EZBVJDR
CQMBSVDD LNYMICCNI
DGOFBL AGUCZD
AQSEWKC XFIWFSYK
RKUUC VHMPUUPT
CZNTBXD CFDNFE
OSXFSXCZ XBZGCXDUXA
BQKDVGBOJ OVIQXW
CWUIFBLSK HSOGSB

There are three parts to the solution. What is the connection between the men in the first list and the women in the second list? Which man pairs with which woman? And what is the hidden quotation?

Using my superior skills in googling, (alas reading the da vinci code does not make me a cryptologist) I have found the names of the people, and have worked out the pairs. Just need to work out the hidden quote now.

Grrrrrr
 

Monday, December 27, 2004

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

My poor brother.

He's just waltzed back in the house at 12.30. I only asked him had he been to work, had a half day sort of thing.

"NO I HAVE'T BEEN TO WORK!!!!!! WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I'VE BEEN TO WORK???? I DON'T GO BACK TILL TUESDAY. MUM SAW ME AT THE BUS STOP AND ASKED ME IF I'D BEEN TO WORK. DAD ASKED ME IF I WAS GOING TO WORK WHEN I LEFT THIS MORNING. I'VE BEEN TO HMV TO SPEND MY GIFT CARD, OK? WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I'VE BEEN TO WORK?????"

Because, darling brother, you're wearing your work fleece with your company name on. I was just being a Sherlock Holmes.


 

Shusssssssssh!

Sneaked out of house to go to sales. Just returned. Lots of bargains. Yay!

Very tired. Must sleep.
 

Friday, December 24, 2004

Merry Christmas

Have survive the festival of retail hell. Have now got 4 days off to celebrate Christmas, and the Next sale that starts 5am Monday.

Hurrah!


 

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
"I think it's raining," he said to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied.
"No, I'm sure it was just rain," he said.
They were just about to begin arguing with each other about whether it was raining or snowing when they saw a Communist Party official walking toward them.
"Let's not fight about it," the man said. "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."
As the official approached, the man said: "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"
"It's raining, of course," he replied, and walked on.
But the woman insisted, "I know that felt like snow!"
To which her husband quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
 

Harry Potter

I've just pre ordered Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince from Amazon for 9.99. I'm so excited. Yay!
 

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Musings

Got my Christmas present from my company today. Bottle of wine, and a box of chocolate. The quality of wine, and size of the box degrade with each passing year. I'd rather get the value in cash. (2.50)

Had my first mock test in my driving lesson today. Failed, but had 9 driver faults and 1 serious. The serious fault was not signally when going onto the A2. How stupid is that? If I'd signalled I would have passed. But there you go, I have 2 months to practice, and I feel so much more confident at the wheel now. So i'm turning it into a positive. My driving instructor said it was a good attempt anyway. :D

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince will be out on July 17th 2005. Yay!


 

20 Things you can only say at Christmas

1. I prefer breasts to legs
2. Tieing the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!
4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
5. I've never seen a better spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12. Do you think you'll be able to cater for all these people at once?
13.I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take to finish after you put it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!
19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning
20. Wow, I didn't think I could eat all that and still want more!
 

Monday, December 20, 2004

12 Days Of Christmas

Still waiting for my S267 exam results. Was meant to get them a week ago but they've been delayed. (Hopefully to let everyone pass) This was written by a fellow student, TAJ.

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me, An ess two six seven for free.
On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me, Two leaky transforms,
On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me Three types of fault,
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me Four TMAs,
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me, Five outer planets,
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me, Six Bouguer readings,
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me, Seven ocean trenches,
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me, Eight static hotspots,
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me, Nine spreading ridges,
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me, Ten Ternary graphs
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me. Eleven major plates
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me No exam results.

Tick tock.
 

Sunday, December 19, 2004

R.I.P

Suprnova is dead. RIP.

I will now have to buy Sky and wait for my tv programs to be shown over here.

It hurts.
 

Having A Ball

Went to the ball in one of CAFC hospitality suites last night. Food was nice, but was disapointed at only having a small slice of Christmas pudding for dessert. (Where's the chocolate?) I brought a bottle of white wine at the bar and they gave me a bottle of house, with the CA lable on. Grrrrr.

Didn't win anything with the raffle. They didn't even call the same colour as I had. I think they forgot to put my number in.

Had a live band which is alway nice to have at parties. Even managed to get up and dance a few times.

Couldn't find a nice dress so I wore the one I wore last year. Which didn't matter because a few other people did the same thing. Hee. My hair refused to behave, so instead of putting it in a french plait like I hoped, I put it in a ponytail. At least it was different to how I normally have it. Someone even managed to capture a picture of me looking fairly elegant.

Cabbing home was a nightmare. Because there was seven of us, we had to have two cabs. The first one turned up at the right time, just the wrong side of the football grounds. The second one didn't turn up till 15 mins later, and that wasn't originally meant for us, was for someone in another conference suite that didn't turn up. Had the cab controller shouting at my cab driver on the way home because he'd picked up the wrongs people. Even thought it had my name and address on his computer screen.

All in all a good night.






 

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Nearly There

This is it. This time next week it will be Christmas Day. From here on food shopping becomes a nasty war between nasty factions fighting over the last box of biscuits on the shelf. Screaming kids off school. Two trolleyed families spending a months wages on food.

If we've run of a Christmas line, we won't be reordering it so I hope you've got all your mince pies and Christmas crackers.

Posting may be sporadic this week. I'm on the front line of the biggest atrocity of the year.

On the plus side I do have some festive distractions planned for this week so my sanity may be spared after all.
 

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

How To Annoy Kath Without Really Trying....

  • Leave a note in the hand over book asking me to make sure I do basic things that I automatically do anyway, even after five years oo working there. (A lesser person would have been insulted)
  • Use the heaviest objects available to block off half the forecourt.
  • "Forget" to fill the shelves up, leaving big massive holes even thought the stock is available.
  • Ask to see the audit roll for a date two weeks ago, and have it printed off. Even thought The computer will only print off 250 lines at a time and there are 250 million of them.
  • Drag my staff off into the security room for a "chat" without even asking if its ok with me or them.
  • Ask me whether I have any milk or sandwiches "out back" when it is perfectly obvious the fridge is broken.

I'm starting to sound like Morrisons Employee. Must stay calm, must stay calm.

 

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Here We Come A Wassailing

Had little munchkins from local primary schools in work today performing Christmas carols.

Was very impressed with the school that sung unusual carols such as The Wassail Song and Coventry Carol. Makes a big change to the bog standard Away In A Manager and Jingle Bells.

I used to sing them all when I was a little munchkin in my church choir. Far too many years ago.


 

Monday, December 13, 2004

Tis The Season To Spend Money

I have three days off this week. I love bank days. I won't even notice that I'll be working an extra day next week because I'll still have Xmas day and Boxing day off, as well as Xmas eve. Yay!

So I went into town to buy some more presents and drop off my dress for dry cleaning, and went into Boots. Found some great fake hair which I thought I could wear at the ball. Nearly brought it until I saw the price. TWENTY FIVE QUID for a little bit of nylon. Didn't buy it. I'm still crying. Might lose my will later on in the week, and buy it with my advantage points.

Brought a voucher for someone from JD Sports. I got a fancy card with it, even a Nike carrier bag, but no envelope. They don't *do* envelopes. I'm going to have to get creative and make one out of wrapping paper with origami. Well at least I'll get 10/10 for presentation.

I've just realised my blog is more about me buying stuff, than people buying stuff from me. Just a different sort of retail hell.

Waitrose strawberry and clotted cream ice cream for lunch. Yummy.


 

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Women's Intuition?

I had a very freaky moment today. I had this worrying feeling about a friend of mine, so I rang him up during my lunch break to check that he was alright. Turns out that he had an accident at work and had hurt his arm.

Cue Twilight Zone music.

I started to think hard about this. I'm certainly not psychic, but I didn't think it was just a random coincidence that he'd had an accident.

I spoke to him on messenger yesterday, and he was really irate about something. So my theory is that a part of my subconscious thought that seeing as he was angry, maybe he wouldn't be concentrating on his job properly, and maybe he would have an accident. Is that all women's intuition is? Just your subconscious taking in facts and processing them into thoughts?

Very curious.
 

Friday, December 10, 2004

Let It Snow

This made me laugh....


Click on it for bigger picture.




 

Why I Love Amazon

Amazon have just started doing DVD rentals, 6 for 9.99 a month. So I can now order semi ok DVDs that I really want to watch but don't want to buy, then take it to work and post it back. It's so less hassle for a lazy person like me.

They have also just started up Amazon Jersey where you can get certain products at a cheaper tax free price. Yay!

Most importantly, they have a wish list. So you all know what to get me for Christmas. Hint hint.
 

Things You'd Love To Say To Customers But Can't

I can only please so many people per day. Today isn't your day, and tomorrow doesn't look good either.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Did I look interested?

Excuse me, but I think you've mistaken me for someone who cares.

What do I look like? A people person?

I'm busy, you're ugly. Have a nice day!

What a shame. Looks like the ugly fairy kissed you on both cheeks.

SHUT UP! No one cares about your pathetic little problems!

I just got a call from your village. They're missing its idiot, so you better get back.

Can you speak up? I can't hear you over the violins.

Nice perfume. Must you bathe in it?

My foot and your arse need to meet right away.

(I thought it was time I posted something about retail hell. This is an email forward someone sent me. I might write my own at a later date.)

 

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Download your own comedy robot, and remember, a robot is for life not just for Christmas...
 

Scream If You Wanna Go Faster

Just had a fairly good driving lesson. Managed to get on to the A2 without screaming in terror. Also remembered to do my manouvers without forgetting anything. The fog is starting to clear I hope!

Also spend the lesson telling my driving instuctor off for picking his finger. He's hurt it while decorating. Makes a change for me to scold him. Tee hee.

I've also spent the morning cleaning paintwork ready for my dad to decorate. Aren't I a good girl? We've got 50 years worth of wallpaper paste on the walls, and my dad wants to paint straight over it. I keep telling him to sandpaper it off but he's not listening. I see us appearing on an episode of DIY SOS...
 

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

To Be Or Not To Be

Some of my favourite quotes:

If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.
Sirius Black, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JKR Rowling

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Unknown origin?

"Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recomendations. Ivanova is God. And, if this ever happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out!"
Commander Susan Ivanova, A Voice in the Wilderness (part 1) Babylon 5

"First, they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me."
Rev. Martin Niemoller German Pastor 1945

The quickest way to a man's heart is not through the stomach but through his chest, with an axe.
Anon

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they annoyed me.
Unknown

It is better to have lived one day as a tiger than one thousand years as a sheep."
Tibetan proverb




 

Saturday, December 04, 2004

When I'm Driving In My (DI's) Car

My manager passed his driving test yesterday with only 4 driver faults. Not surprising seeing as he has been driving around without a license for quite sometime now....

My driving lessons have been going *ok*. I've covered everything in my now rather tatty looking AA Driver record card, but I don't think of myself as a driver. The previous two lessons were spent driving on and off dual carriage's, so yesterday when I went and practiced some maneuvers I'd forgotten everything. Couldn't even put the gear stick into reverse properly. :crunch: I've been getting one or two comments from customers who have seen me out and about driving. Which is sooooooo embarrassing. I'm sure I'll get there eventually. Just in time for my provisional license to run out in 2040.

I scared my driving instructor. I was driving on a big roundabout and a big double decker bus pulled out in front of me. Mr AA leapt in front of me. Not to drag the wheel from my hands, but to beep the horn at the big nasty bus. Mr AA said when that happens, just use the horn to alert them to your presence, and not to get angry. I told him I won't get angry, just slowly plot their death and destruction. I think he's going to be very careful not to upset me from now on.

Have found out the date my OU exam results will be online. I'm not telling.


 

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Everwood

Eastenders is stealing story lines from Everwood. The widower Ian "Treat Williams" Beale is after Jane "Anne Heche" Collins who is tempted, but still in love with her sick husband.

Can't wait till the Eastenders scriptwriters start watching Lost. Thirty Albert Square residents crash land on a mystery Pacific island, and get slowly eaten by mysterious monsters.

Mwahahahaha


 

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Christmas Shopping Post Mortem

Well I managed to buy one secret santa present, a DVD RW, a cheap portable cd/mp3 walkman, some accessories for the ball, and a box of cherry liquor chocolates. Could not find a ball gown I liked. All the fairly decent ones are knee length prom dresses. I'm not going to a prom. GRRRR. Will have to have another look next week.

Have managed to install the DVD RW drive with no hiccups. Only couldn't test the DVD RW facility because it didn't come with any free discs. Luckily they are BOGOF at work though, yay! I can copy loads of stuff now, yay!

I decided I didn't really need an MP3 player. I want one because they are pretty. So I thought I would make do with a rather cheaper alternative, the mp3 cd walkman. I can fit 10 albums onto a disc which is good enough for me. More money to save up for a shiny digital camera.

What I haved burned onto my first disc: (all legally owned of course)
  1. Vanessa Carlton - Harmonium
  2. Unwritten - Natasha Beddingfield
  3. Mind Body and Soul - Joss Stone
  4. Anastacia - Anastacia
  5. Call Off The Search - Katie Melua
  6. Mistaken Identity - Delta Goodram
  7. Lucie Silvas - Breathe In
  8. Avril Lavigne - Under My Skin
  9. Jamelia - Thank You
  10. Dixie Chicks - Wide Open Spaces

I will be doing a male version shortly.

Oooh, and I ate the cherry liquor chocs. They were meant to be a present. :shame:


 

 

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Eccentric contemplation from a twenty something retail supervisor, living in suburban London.

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